Fleshy

Fleshy
I have become a fleshy woman
There are dimples in my upper arms that used to be firm of muscle
My belly is full
I still imagine I may have a flatness in the space of rolls
I imagine it flat again one day
My action is planning
I have an idea of how to accomplish this
I cannot act on my plan

Am I unhappy in my fleshy body?
at times
Is it the body that is the source of the unhappiness?
Not really

Unless the fleshy body is the reason
I find it difficult to love
to love me
to love another

Unless the fleshy body is the reason
I don't trust
don't trust myself to make good choices
don't trust others to be honest and open

Unless the fleshy body is the reason
I am stuck
stuck in a place to which i feel no connection
stuck in a job that I only partially enjoy

Unless the fleshy body is the reason
I am losing interest
losing interest in life
losing interest in living fully